Reinventing Relationship – The Art of Collaboration
Working in a band can be like being in a polygamous relationship (not that I’ve ever been in one myself). Just like a polygamous relationship it takes a lot of emotional maturity to make sure the relationship functions in a healthy manner.
To successfully collaborate on anything requires good relationship skills. And the deeper you get into your art, the more important relationship becomes. Art is often about dragging the worst aspects of ourselves into the open and exposing them. This is a very vulnerable state to be in. As a collaborator you must be careful in how you relate to your cohorts. Here are some tips on how to make your polygamous relationship work in your bands and projects.
Think Win/Win
The collaborative process involves countless mutual agreements and group decisions. In order to make them work with everyone involved, all the players must be thinking Win/Win. Otherwise, someone is going to lose. That inevitably leads to frustration and resentment.
Win/Win means that all parties look for a solution to a problem that benefits all parties.This is far more effective than the more common approach of Win/Lose where one person gains an advantage over others. The Win/Win approach takes integrity, maturity and a mentality that believes it is possible for everyone to benefit equally. It takes trust that has to be developed over time and with care. It takes courage and consideration.
When a member of Riverblind brings a musical idea to the rest of the group he exposes himself to the possibility of ridicule and humiliation. Releasing new ideas out onto the world is a difficult and vulnerable process for an artist. But we are able to express new ideas to each other because we have taken the time to nurture an environment of trust. In this environment we understand that everyone has the same principles behind their actions. The principle that the music must be served and not the ego. The principle that it doesn’t matter who wrote something as long as the song is made as rightly as it can be. But we also recognise the principle that what is “right” for one person may not be “right” for another. It is these creative differences that require the most trust and maturity. It is these moments that require courage and consideration to find a solution to a disagreement that becomes an agreement of benefit to all.
What does it mean to benefit everyone?
Everyone benefits when the results lie within everyone’s principles. If you all share the same principles – that the song be served rather than the individual for example – then you can all clearly see when the outcome best serves the principles. Then you can work together to achieve a goal that you all share.
It is possible to make agreements that benefit everyone when you have the emotional maturity to put aside your ego, your drive to be recognised, your desire for attention. You must be humble and realise that the best outcome is not the one that benefits you the most, but the one that benefits everyone equally.
How you can tackle your next difficult agreement:
1. Shared Principles
Start by thinking about the reasons why your project exists. If it is a band, think about the reasons why you are a musician in the first place. Are you here to make great music? Or are you here to attract women? Or are you here to just have fun with some mates on stage? Discuss this with the other members of the unit. Are you all in it for the same reasons? If not, then you have a problem on your hands that needs to be dealt with before you can even hope to collaborate effectively. The solution to this kind of problem is a whole other blog posting, so I hope you’re not in this situation. But if you can all agree on the reason why the band exists then move on to step two.
2. Listen
When you collaborate make sure you listen to everyone very carefully before you speak. When someone presents an idea, listen and really try and understand what they are trying to express before you start to respond. If you don’t understand them then ask for clarification – don’t jump to conclusions! Make sure you really understand where they are coming from before you do anything else.
3. Think before speaking
Once you have understood their idea and position the next step is to think. Not to respond, but to think about your response. This gives your emotional maturity enough time to catch up with your impulsive ego and put it in its proper place. Think about what the idea means to the other person and think about what it means in terms of the principles your group strives for. Then think about how you can best express what it is you have to say about the idea.
4. Communicate clearly
When you express your point of view, express it as clearly and effectively as you can. To do this you have to think about it first (see step 3!). Use small words and short sentences. Not because your band members are too stupid to understand you, but because we all understand things more quickly and effectively when the communication is simple.
5. Form an agreement that benefits everyone
The final step is to make an agreement that puts principles first and leaves your ego at the door. Use your integrity, emotional maturity, courage and consideration to come up with a solution that lets everyone win.
Follow-up
After an agreement is implemented, you and your group need to examine its consequences. Do the results provide the mutual benefit that you all sought? Do the results reflect the principles you are all striving for? If the results fall short, then you need to learn from the mistake and find a new, better solution.
In song-writing, this whole process happens very quickly and repetitively. And there are many failures. It is more common for an idea to fall short of what everyone is after than otherwise. But you must persevere. Don’t give up and just use an idea when it benefits yourself and not others. Likewise, don’t settle on something that you cannot agree with. Come up with a better idea that benefits everyone and serves the principles that you work by. In the long term you will see the difference that this care and consideration makes. Trust grows and ideas flow more freely. Mutual solutions to problems are more easily worked out and benefit the group to an even higher degree than before. The music improves because it is being driven upon one path by a unit working together rather than being run off the road by self-serving individuals.
How well do your collaborative efforts function?
Do you struggle to come to agreements?
Or have you got the emotional maturity to make your polygamous relationship work for everyone?
If you want to learn more about the Win/Win strategy then I suggest you read Stephen Covey‘s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
As we’re learning to speak, how do we learn? No one opens a dictionary in front of you and feeds you words by definition as you slot them into your memory bank. You hear them spoken, you imitate the sounds, and over time they grow to mean something.
